2014 - Year of Insanity

I'm eating a microwaved hot-pocket as I write this and if that isn't a sign of insanity, well, I don't know what is.
2014 has brought with it some crazy changes to my life.
I started off the year in Houston, Texas. I was pregnant and sick and pretty much existed in a pair of red velour sweat pants. I vowed to never own a pair, much less leave the house in them, but like I said - year of insanity.
In February I got married! I joke that we eloped %80. We decided about a week in advance and spent the next few days kinda-sorta planning a wedding. My parents flew in from Los Angeles, aunts and uncles, cousins, grandparents all gathered together with us in a little chapel in Gonzales, Tx. You don't know where Gonzales is, sometimes I don't even think Texas knows where Gonzales is.
Our ceremony was lovely. I rocked a $30 dress from the hallowed halls of Forever21, the bouquet was self assembled, and we even landed a last minute photographer free of charge.
A week later my groom and I hightailed it for the golden coast. I remember feeling Charlotte kick for the first time somewhere between New Mexico and Arizona.
Fast forward a few nauseous, bloated months and BAM! June is upon us and Charlotte arrives on the scene in all her adorable black curly hair glory. Being a newly wed wife is nuts, but adding 'new mother' to my title really managed to spice things up.
No sleep, some sleep, more sleep, less sleep, learning things about boobs and baby butts I never thought possible, and just as I feel I'm starting to get the swing of things another brick wall pops up at a thousand miles per hour.
Abnormal pap test? What?
SO.MANY.TESTS.
I spent about two weeks floundering. Andrew was awesome the whole time, the ever positive and encouraging hand for me to hold. In the end a biopsy lead us to some peace, but we're still keeping an eye on things for the time being.

In September we dedicated our sweet girl in front of our friends and family at The Garden church in down town Long Beach where we've found an amazing community and made our first handful of 'parent friends' among other awesome friends of the non-parent variety. We fell in love with our community group, even though Charlotte wears us out beyond attendance more often than not. And we began to find a rhythm in all this insanity that we will fondly remember as 2014.


Andrew just walked in to remind me of forgotten Christmas gifts, so I'm off to being a 2015 with my sweet husband and baby girl. Merry Christmas and a happy new year!

p.s. I have my yearly anti-resolution blog coming as well...

Sleep Training (pt. 1)

Oh my lord.

I learned things last night you guys, I learned things.

So, before we get started, I know not everyone agrees with the 'Cry It Out' method. We're just going to set that aside, okay? If you want to hear a comically spun tale of my first night of baby boot camp, read on, if you think I'm a horrible, selfish, psych ruining parent, then just, just don't, okay? I've suffered enough.

Everyone told me that it was going to be harder on me then on the baby. In the end, they were right. Charlotte ended her night happily cooing and playing with her feet before drifting to sleep (albeit, after about an hour of screaming) while I ended my night racked with guilt, yearning to cuddle my sweet girl to sleep, and feeling SO far away from her now that she's moved from her Rock'n'Play to the crib.

I first laid her down at 730, she played happily in her crib for about a half an hour as she usually does, but then, then hell broke lose.

Charlotte doesn't cry, she's a good baby and we have an understanding. Fuss when you need something, when that something is fixed, stop fussing. It's been an agreement between me and her for about 5 months now. Her low key fussing was replaced with PCP level screams, tears running down her cheeks, and a development of a entirely new facial expression that I don't really know how to handle.

I took to Twitter, live tweeting my living nightmare, #sleeptraining, searching for other mothers who could calm me, strengthen my resolve, etc., I frantically texted friends, checked in with aunts and grandmas on Facebook, and eventually sat with my husband googling sleep training blogs together (which ended in us YouTube searching 'cute baby' videos) and kept to my promise of 'ever 15 minutes'.

It took an entire hour. I kissed tears off her cheeks, patted her tummy, broke down ONCE and picked her up to sooth her, and finally, finally, it was quiet.

My husband and I finally snuck into bed (we share a room) about 2 hours after the start of the ordeal.

All said and done, the break down looks like this…

730-800 : Playing happily
800-900 : Fussing, crying, screaming, breaking mom and dads hearts
900-930 : Quiet, but awake, most likely plotting revenge
930: Asleep


I'll be live Tweeting (kisforkandyce) again tonight, as we venture into night two of sleep training, wish us luck!

-----



Charlotte is 5.5 months old, she may be teething, but I'm not positive. She rolled over from her stomach to back AND from her back to her stomach all in the same day. She likes to scream 'MAMA' even though I knowwww she's not actually saying mama, it's uncanny.

ugh motherhood.

I struggle with this new life, being a mom, it's like being handed a rubix cube in a dark room and being told to solve it. In this scenario you LOVE this rubix cube like nothing you've ever loved before but that doesn't - actually - help.

I feel like I have to excuse myself, like I have to cover every negative remark with a more vibrant praise of motherhood, but being a mom is gnarly you guys. It's gnarly.

Everyday I wake up to my daughter cooing, and I hide in bed till those coos turn to whines, then I roll over and reluctantly start my day.

I try to tell myself to perk up, mornings are the best time with Charlotte, it's the time she practices her new sounds (mostly shrieks right now), it's the time she plays with me, gives me silly faces and shows me all her new tricks.

seriously though, look at this precious baby.

Morning, however, is also about two hours after she last woke me up. And I'm tired. And not a morning person at all. I often feel alone in this, in these moments of 'I love my daughter, but maybe 1 more year of NOT being a mom would have been cool'

Yeahhhhh, I said it! Don't get me wrong, I love my sweet girl, and after about 2 hours of being away from her I start going through mommy withdrawals. But when the days are long, and the nights happen in 2 hour increments, things tend to get a little frazzled and the idea of sleeping like a normal person leads me to a sleep-lusting place (hahahahahaha, ohhh man, I'm tired)

We (or at least I) Instagram and Pintrest our way through life, showing the highlights and putting a ironic spin on the less glamorous moments, - I haven't brushed my hair in three days but I did put on a little lip gloss so you can see how I'm still candidly acceptable - we crop out the spit up stains and #blessed, and run through one or two editing apps for a quick touch up before posting...

What you don't see is my inability to sleep train my baby,

You don't see me running in the pouring rain from the furthest parking spot at walmart with my baby half tucked under my sweater because I forgot the stroller.

My Rubix. <3

You don't see me passing out 5 minutes after the baby does, totally neglecting my husband who could probably go for some tlc.

And you don't see me laying in bed, hiding from the waking baby next to me, fighting through those few moments of 'this is my life now' as it hits you at a 100 miles an hour.

Maybe it's just me, and maybe I'm just REALLY not a morning person, but most likely the case is,
becoming a mom is insane.

Becoming a mother is something you just can't prepare for.

It's a Rubix cube in the dark that you love more than life itself.

And on that note:

Charlotte is 5.5 months old, she likes to fake cough when she wants attention, she's learned how to shriek and loves making sounds at the top of her lungs. She spit up on me for the first time and either pooped or peed on almost every outfit we took on our 3 day trip to the mountains for thanksgiving... she also has some CRAZY knots in the back of her hair, I'm trying my best to get them out but a snip may be in order.
I often call her phunkadoriehouston or toblorone, those are just her nicknames, I don't know why.

#FoodieGoth

#FoodieGoth Baby

The other day, whilst sporting my black and white 'legit' beanie and tricking myself into thinking I was going to start jogging, I began to talk to my dear husband about the new trend #healthgoth.
HealthGoth somehow got mistranslated between him and I and hence, #FoodieGoth was born.
My husband is a genius.
I now can wear all the black and white I want whilst concocting in the kitchen and actually be trending at the same time.

Anyways,

Today I bring you my first #GreenDrink (I know, I'm a little behind on food trends)

I smashed the following items up to create this awesome brew!

Kale - I don't know how much, like, two giant hand fulls. Kale doesn't taste like much to me so I took advantage of this and packed in a bunch of nutrients with little sacrifice to flavor.

Celery - NOM.COM! I love celery, I threw like 3 or 4 stalks in, this drink basically tastes like celery fruit, whatever that is...

The masterpiece 

Apples - Big Little Brother of mine (almost 6 ft, but 2 years younger) wandered in with a bag of apples, so I threw two in, this gave a huge boost to the flavor, but also added a lot of carbs. I'm not sure if that's true, I'm just making an educated guess...

BlueBerries - These little dudes were once considered a super food, until foods like kale and flax stepped up and made it cool to be healthy. I just kinda threw a few in, maybe a hand full an a half, keep in mind, I have little hands.

Ice - I ice everything. In fact, we were out of ice all day yesterday and not only did I end up severely dehydrated, refusing to drink warm temp water, but I actually dreamed of ice. Thankfully ice was restored to us this afternoon.


Any tips on what to do with the pulp? I don't want to waste it 'cause I hear there are magical things you can do with it, although it should probably be separated I imagine...


Baby is awake and beckoning, till next time!!

Is high school like 'Mean Girls'?

Hi,

My name is Kandyce and I was home schooled. I was home schooled a lllllll the way, which is a question that comes up with both normal people and other veteran home schoolers.

'You were home schooled…like all the way?'

Yes. I was home schooled all the way. My graduating class was myself and two dear friends with whom I had spent the past howevermanyears driving from house to house for each class to class till finally our education was complete.

My high school experience was awesome. In no way do I feel I suffered socially, my education was tailor fit to my needs, I even feel I used the huge amount of down time between classes in a fairly productive way. I loved being home schooled.

That being said, I do have some questions.

When I think of the average high school experience, my brain conjures up scenes from 'Mean Girls' and stops there.

Do they really make you shower together after gym? 

I don't have super powers, and I'm highly inclined towards proper hygiene, I even would go so far to say that (especially in high school) I have no real self confidence issues and am very comfortable in my own skin. But shoot…put me in a locker room with a bunch of highly hormonal high school girls on a bad day and you can go ahead and que that shower scene from 'Carrie'

What's detention really like?

I'm guessing it's not much like 'Breakfast Club'

Did you live in constant fear of the teacher asking you to answer a question in front of the class and not knowing the answer?

Cause let's be real, the idea of this induces an immediate senses of stress and I graduated like..5 years ago? I think that's right..

Is the cafeteria that intimidating?


I get it, cliques exist, but in my long though out 'what if I had attended high school' I do just eat my lunch in the bathroom, a la Katy Herron. And it's not that I'm antisocial, but years of NOT having to wade through thousands of kids my age has taught me one thing. I don't want to deal with your bullshit. That whole bathroom stall idea just seems sooooo much simpler.


ahhh my baby is awake, just, tell me what high school is actually like, please.

Let's talk about "the boob" (probably TMI if you're not a mom)

Get read for TMI, especially those of you who have not yet gone through the joys of breastfeeding..

Nursing is HORRIFYING. No one fully prepared me for the trauma that is feeding your child.

See, 'Lo was not partially fond of the boob at first. She had minor jaundice but was SO uninterested in the sustenance from my bosom that it spiked from level 6 to 17 in two days! So, the doctor told me I needed to pump.

Awesome! I still get to give my baby girl the stuff she needs but now I can stick it in a bottle and let one of her million aunts, uncles, grandparents or sleepy daddy feed her (which they all LOVE to do)
Needless to say, this sounded like a great loophole.

A little bit of backstory, in order to breastfeed I had to go through the ardous effort of getting off all of my psych meds. This included a HIGH dosage of mood stabilizers and anxiety meds, and under the careful eye of my long time psychologist (need a psychologist? I have a great recommendation) I was able to taper of safely, still, this was not fun.

I was, however, determined, to provide my baby girl with the best I could, which meant mothers milk.

Plus, my delusional, uninformed mind longed for the tender moments between mother and babe, sweetly cuddled against me, bonding in a way that only mothers get the chance to experience.

BULLLLLLLSHIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!

I'm calling it ladies.

Breastfeeding is horrifying.

3am, fussy baby, won't 'latch' on but is perfectly content to gum my inflamed nipple to death. I cringe.

My mother explained it best, she recalled to me the times when she would bring her baby to her chest, and just as the baby (there are 7 of us 'babies' by the way) was about to latch on, she would pull back in terror of the oncoming pain.

Now we're going to talk about pumping...

I thought I was getting off easy, she LOVES her bottle, her appetite is increasing, she's in perfect health, daddy gets the chance to bond with her too, it's great!

ohhhh haaaaaaaaaaaa!

2 weeks into pumping and I literally look at those little suction cups of doom like they are EVIL baby
robots who I've been forced into feeding, they even make this cruel sucking sound that scares me..

Anyways, at this point, the first 2-3 mins of pumping is literally black out pain. Sometimes I SWEAR I taste blood in my mouth. Other times, I'm positive I'm about to need to lunge for the diaper filled trash can to puke. The pain is just unreal.

I'd really enjoy the post-pumping perky nipple thing is it didn't make me want to claw my skin off every time something brushes against my chest.

Oh, and let's not forget, all this pain can be the equivalent to 2 ounces of milk.

TWO OUNCES!!!!!

Kinda makes me want to kill myself.

Ladies, I leave you with this...

It is perfectly acceptable to cry over spilt milk.
I lost half an ounce this morning, and I cried, and that cry was well deserved.

34 weeks pregnant and I fear I may never sleep again

Sweet sleep, you escape me.

I really thought I was headed towards a decent nights sleep tonight. Around 430 last night (morning..) I discovered that an ice pack between my feet helped immensely with my restless legs, it a was beautiful thing and I was greatly looking forward to cheating this wicked pregnancy symptom with the same trick tonight. No luck.

It kept my legs a bit more restful but even with the sweet sounds of Star Trek Enterprise serenading me to sleep, I've found myself once again bleary eyed and foot tapping my way through the early AM.

I hate being pregnant.

I wonder how many hits that phrase alone will garner me?

I'm giving up on tactfully keeping entries here at OhWoWmommy, instead, I've found myself taking to the keyboard with little more dexterity than a chimpanzee and complaining. I had to cut myself off from Gatorade and Cup a Noodle after a 3 day binge that has left me markedly bloated and icky feeling. I think the insane fluctuation in sugar and salt levels is also effecting me, today I found myself suffering from a pretty impressive bought of anomic aphasia. My brain is melting.

I did have the pleasure of seeing an adorable 2 week old baby today, little itsy-bitsy thing that I haven't been able to stop thinking about. The mother was a complete idiot though, she told me that babies aren't born like they "used to be" and went on to inform me that when she was born babies didn't open their eyes for roughly the first two weeks. My mom agreed with my that this women was incredibly stupid, my husband told me I'm really mean. I know he's right, but I also know babies tend to open their eyes before 2 weeks...

My rib cage doesn't have room for my lungs anymore, my wedding ring fits a little tooooo well (bloating), I'm hungry but I don't feel like there is room for Charlotte AND dinner, I'm delusional and was throughly convinced it couldn't be much later than 1am (it's almost 3am) and I don't want to go battle Compton Medical offices again tomorrow.

rawr.

third trimester restless legs

Let me say this first -

Pregnancy as a whole can go rot in hell.

I am beyond blessed to have such a healthy little baby girl kicking my ribs day and night, but this whole process really, really sucks.

First trimester was BAD. I lost a bunch of weight due to extreme morning sickness and my emotions were HAYWIRE. My sweet husband can attest to this.

Second trimester as a whole was a huge let down. Where was my glow? Where was my awesome boost of second trimester energy? Why was I still throwing up EVERYTHING!? Needless to say, I basically spent what should have been me small break from pregnant insanity purely recovering from the brutality of my first trimester.

Third trimester has been a complete joke.

I'm 33 weeks and some odd days pregnant now and as my sweet husband snoozes like a little pup in a glorious heap of blankets and pillows I'm sitting in the office at 3:31am writing a blog because my legs are two stems of burning, aching, fiery muscles that hate me.

Don't get me wrong. My husband spends all waking hours doting on me hand and foot. He NEEDS his cozy pup sleep and I'm glad he's getting it because I'm well aware of the amount of energy he puts into taking care of me on a regular basis. This doesn't change the fact that I would chop off my own toe for a good nights sleep, and it doesn't change the fact that my little green monster grows 10 sizes every time I try and fall asleep next to him, only to find myself flailing around, clenching and flexing my legs until I give up and leave the room again...

What's even more fun is that the list of "safe" over the counter sleep aids are almost ALL guaranteed to worsen the symptoms of restless legs, so there's no easy Benadryl knock out in my future.

I do LOVE blogging, I love getting to sit down and let out all my complaints in one fowl swoop. I have roughly 30 unpublished entires for this blog, mainly because I generally lose my steam around half way and with the best intentions of finishing later, log out and go about my life..

I've started making a daily gratitude list, so considering we are a few solid hours into the AM, I'll share todays list with you...

1. I'm grateful for my sweet baby girl, her health, and the time I got to spend today giving her little foot high fives as she attempted to kick my ribs in

2. My sweet husband, ever striving to serve me and love me. His patience and love constantly bless me, I could NEVER put up with myself with the kindness and servants heart that he constantly showers me with.

3. A roof over my head. It's not easy moving back in with your parents. At times it's painfully humbling but having this time to live worry free of things like rent and groceries is a HUGE blessing. Not to mention my parents and siblings are awesome and there's never a dull moment in this house.

4. Frozen gatorade. I literally have a stash of gatorades that I cycle through the freezer, I always have one frozen, one in the process of freezing, and one melting as I drink it. I'm not sure that this is a pregnancy craving, I think I'm just really enjoying the sugar binge.

5. My (very few) friends. I'm very antisocial, on par with most shut-ins, however I am blessed to have a few good friends who always, always bring me joy when I see them. Even if it's just an hour coffee date, the people in my life who sit with me and let me verbal vomit all my thoughts, and intern verbal vomit back at me - well, they save my butt on a regular basis.


It's 3:45am now, I'm hoping 4am is the magic hour for falling asleep so I'm gonna go give that a try...

I've been obsessively Tweeting lately, so follow me if you'd like.

Twitter : Kisforkandyce

ALSO

Any tips/tricks for dealing with your pregnancy restless legs? Comment section below!!!

Why I've been absent from blogging PART 1 - WEDDING

We have our professional photos on the way, here is a fun taste though.

Our wedding was meant to be an elopement, but through the love of our families we were able to gather in a small chapel and celebrate with our loved ones.

To all my SoCal family, we plan on having a little reception soon so that you may meet my wonderful, handsome, sweet, loving, doting, amazing husband!

Beach Babes - 17 Weeks Pregnant

Baby Charlie will have Texas blood running deep through her veins. This is something her father will never let her forget. Her Grammi and Pop, along with her ecstatic Uncle Tommy, will live in Texas and this insures she will forever know she is truly %60 Texan at heart.
Note : I'm going to say %60 because she has grown up here thus far..

Papa Crane and Mommy heading to the beach back in 1991!

I love the time I've spent in Texas. Houston may not be my favorite city, but Texas as a whole has so much to offer, especially to young children who have the energy to spend all day and night in a river fighting a current...oh wait...that was me..last summer..

Charlotte will have Texas blood in her veins, but, my baby girl is getting raised beach side. In late March or early April, mommy and daddy to be will trek across the country, Charlotte riding along in-utero, and we will set forth on our nest adventure, Los Angeles, Long Beach, the Orange Curtain and more!

I'm going to put together a fun blog (and try and get it circulating some fun mommywebsite) but I need help from other SoCal mommies and daddies!!!

So!!!!!!!

Email me : Kandycelynncrane@gmail.com

What : A photo, or two, of your little one experience California! Surf Side, Joshua Tree, the gum wall, the Friendship Bell, you know what I'm talking about!!

And? : A little blurb about why you, as a parent, were glad to have raised your child/ren in such a lovely place. Feel free to mention why you were glad to be raised here as well if you happen to be a native!

Let's get started!
Send me your pictures, stories, etc., to Kandycelynncrane@gmail.com
Feel free to ask your friends to join in on this fun mommy activity! The more the merrier!

16 weeks pregnant and feeling fat

I miss having the freedom to lose a few pounds.

I'm 5'2 and always happy with my body. I'm always happy with my body because I was blessed with a decent metabolism and an incredible ego. Right now though, I am NOT happy with my body.

I'm at this awesome point in my pregnancy where I don't really look pregnant yet, I just feel pregnant, and look fat. Ah! I enjoy being on the thin side. I have always loved food but had a absurdly small capacity for it.

In my life before pregnancy waiters would chuckle, sometimes scoff even, when I asked for a box. I knew it didn't look like I had eaten much, in fact, it used to make me very self concise, I didn't want to be seen as the girl who didn't eat so she could stay thin, thin-shaming is such a mean thing.

Anyways, there were years of my life where I would eat like a bird, be completely STUFFED and go about my merry ways. A little bloat? No problem! Favorite jeans getting a little tight? Give me three days! I HATE MY PRE-PREGNANCY SELF!!!!!

I bought a pair of polka dot leggings today. Patterns are dangerous territory when uncomfortable with your current weight. I'll be honest, I still bought size XS, but I can't help but stare at the patterned dots and questions if they aren't looking a little..oval? Instead of my normal fit of maybe a little extra slack around the thighs I'm truly wondering if maybe I should have just passed on the form fitting pants until I mentally adjust to having hips and thighs for the first time since my major (and temporary) weight gain since summer of '06.

'Fat' is an ugly word and I've never been the girl to complain of looking like a whale in order to fish a few compliments, but God! I feel SO fat! I swear, the second little Charlotte enters the world I'm going on a raw/juice/paleo binge till I feel normal again.

I would like to point out that Dad To Be has been absolutely the sweetest man ever. He constantly tells me how beautiful and (I find this one laughable) sexy I am. I don't know what he's seeing but I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I'm hosting his blood line in my uterus...

The most depressing part of all of this? I went shopping today for the first time in MONTHS and it didn't make me feel better! I feel worse! Retail therapy is failing me and all I want is to lose a few pounds but I'm still on the low end of healthy weight gain so it's time to mom-up and try and put on a few more healthy pounds for Charlotte.


Charlotte, mommy loves you so much that she's willing to try and get even fatter, just for you.


bleh.

2nd Trimester Glory, Crazy Gender Reveling Blood Tests, and More!

15 weeks and 1 day in! The last few weeks have been eventful to say the least. Filled with magical moments and insane, unexpected, pregnancy side effects... #burping non-stop anyone?

Things that happened since week 13 - last update here at ohwowmommy

1. Gender Reveal!

I didn't expect to find out the gender to a few more weeks in and possibly a few frustrating, poorly poised, ultra-sound photos, but lo! They can tell your babies gender via blood test now! I was amazed, in fact, I was skeptical, but I did my research (Google) and found that this is a fantastic, non-invasive, very accurate way to get early gender reveal results. Awesome.

We're having a girl! Me and DTB cried in the office. If endless months of puking hadn't made it real enough, hearing that we would soon have a little baby girl was a slam dunk of reality. We've settled on the name Charlotte, after DTB's aunt, an amazing women who I absolutely adore.

2. Discovery of Team Green and More Research

I learned something very interesting around week 14, anxiously awaiting my blood results that would give insight to my little families future. Team Green - waiting till birth to find the gender - can actually be very hurtful to new parents!

Not to say that this is the case in all Team Green births, but, a vast majority of Team Green parents described a sense of mourning at the birth of their child, regardless of gender! This bitter sweetness stems from a life pictured with both a daughter and a son, so when the child is born the parents experience a sense of mourning for the daughter/son they didn't have. Fascinating!

3. I grew a bump!

Say 'Hello' to the world baby Charlotte!!!

4. Am I the only one who burps constantly in my second trimester?

Because I am! I can NOT stop burping! I've had to discontinue all consumption of carbonated beverages, I have to prop myself up when lounging around, and sometimes, SOMETIMES, it just happens, out of the blue. Bleh. I have to burp right now actually. I'm not a natural born burper either, in fact, I can't remember burping much at all outside of pregnancy. So over it.

5. Mood swings have developed in these early weeks of my second trimester

I don't cry. I just don't. I generally get pretty monotone when angry, and just roll over and pout during arguments. This is no longer the case. A few days ago, for no real reason at all, I just started hysterically crying! DTB asked what I was crying over and the only answer I could muster was 'I don't cry often so I'm obviously upset!'

Over all my second trimester has been a God send. I'm snapping back to normalcy, starting to go out at night (mostly to places I know I can get a table and eat at) and at the very least, can always laugh at my mental break downs a few hours later.

DTB is holding me together most days, he really is an essential piece to my sanity. He's gained this new found ultimate-patience which allows me to have my crazy moments and not completely destroy our entire relationship.

I never thought pregnancy was really this stereotypical. Not every women is the same but so far I've had it all, though I am crossing my fingers to skip the stretch marks, varicose veins, constipation, hemorrhoids, and above all the episiotomy. Dear God, please let me skip that last one....