Note: Make sure not to miss the hilarious pictures at the end.
My entire life I've held off on being baptized. When I was 13 my two best friends were being baptized, and I was asked to join them. I turned down the opportunity with a gut-feeling that I still had some battles ahead in life, and that maybe I didn't fully understand what I was committing to at this young of an age.
Several more times during my teenage and young adult years I would turn down a chance to be baptized. A small, still, voice in my ear, telling me just to wait, that this wasn't the time, and that the time would come and it would be perfect.
Through my teenage and young adult years my life got ugly. I battled addition with prescription pills, lived with a boyfriend who had a dark spiritual life, got caught up in ugly and sometimes scary situations, but deep in my heart, I never doubted that God was there, through it all, just waiting for me to surface.
I got sober when I was 21. Shipped of to rehab in Gonzales, Texas. I met my husband, fell in love, got engaged, broke off the engagement, got reengaged, broke off that engagement, and finally, in 2014, we got married, moved to California, and had our daughter Charlotte, all in a whirlwind of about a years time.
During that time I had witnessed several baptisms. I found a deep joy and beauty in watching others publicly commit themselves to God. I would closely watch their faces as they were taken down into the waters, and try and pinpoint what exactly it was that changed when they were brought back up.
I knew it wasn't a change I could find physically, and yet there was always something different, a new hope that shined on their still drying faces.
The soaking wet embraces, tshirts dripping, soggy smiles. I knew I wanted that. But when the call came, if anyone else wanted to stand up and take on the waters, I always had that voice telling me, wait, this is not your time.
But my time came. And it wasn't during a peaceful time. I didn't feel clean, or strong. In fact, I felt weak. How could God use me in my current state? Why did God want me now? I've had stronger points in life, there have been times where I've "had it all together". THIS WAS NOT ONE OF THOSE TIMES!
The night before my baptism, I found myself crying on the back porch, cigarette in hand,
God. What do you want from me!? I'm slogging through life, covered in crap, falling apart at the seams. My life is in shambles, I'm struggling every day, I feel so far from you!
I didn't want to do it anymore. I texted my mom, I was probably going to reschedule. I had gotten in another ugly argument and I didn't want to take all this shit out into the water with me.
In my mind, there was a picture of what my baptism would be like. It seems silly now to have pictured somehow still waters, when I was asking to be baptized in the pacific ocean. My dad is ordained and I knew I wanted him to be the one to baptize me. My husband would be with me too, and I would come up out the of the water a beautiful, glowing, new creature of God, all smiles and hugs.
This wasn't God's plan for me. This wasn't God's plan for me because God knows my heart. He knows my insecurities. He knows my deepest fears and doubts. What if I came up out of the water feeling no different? What if the smile I wore was forced, and the embraces that were meant to be joy filled felt empty instead?
God knows my heart, and he loves me.
When we got to the beach, the first thing I noticed, with a pit in my stomach, was the shore break.
The waves, bigger and stronger then normal, were breaking right on the shoreline. There was no water FOR me to be dunked in! I'm a small person, my only hope was to be blessed and then maybe thrown into a wave? Immediately my doubts were growing.
My dad never wavered. He never showed a single doubt about the success of the mission ahead of us. My husband made jokes, he kept me laughing. With my earthly fathers confident grip on one hand, and my husbands comforting grip on my other, the three of us stood on the shore hand in hand. My family surrounded me, my dad shared a verse and blessed me, and off we went, into the mighty pacific.
As the first wave came crashing towards us, I knew, confidently, that my husband and my father would pull me through. And they did. Time and time again. It took us almost an entire set (7 waves) to make it out into water deep enough to baptize in.
Only the tide pulled out. Right as I went down.
All day things had been going wrong. Parking was NIGHTMARE, I had been in worse pain then usual, the waves were breaking on the shore, my heart was still in recovery from the argument had the night before, nothing felt right, right down to the moment I was going down into the water.
As my dad leaned my back, suddenly what water we had was being sucked back out into the tide. Further and further I leaned back, until I literally felt sand beneath me. With hardly a millimeter of water covering me, lying flat on the sand, I had been baptized.
But God wasn't done with me.
Laughing hysterically at the strange sight that my baptism had surly been, my dad and husband struggled against the sucking waters to pull me back to my feet. In my peripheral, not even a full second before resurfacing, I saw a great and mighty wave.
The enemy had tried to take everything from me that day. My peace, my health, my relationships, and now even the water! But our God is mighty. He has plans for my life, and in my moment of baptism, he saw me. He saw me making a declaration to him, trying with all I had, being baptized under half an inch of leaving water, GOD! TAKE ME! I AM YOURS!
God claimed me.
God claimed me with an 8 foot wave.
I gave him the millimeter I could muster, and he came in with a wave so big that it took not just me, but my father and husband, down and under!
Never have I been so happy to be completely pummeled by a wave. All my worries, cares, stresses, they were all taken from me in that moment. Being tossed around like a ragdoll in the strength of that wave, God literally washed my cares away. There was no peaceful dunk for me. Still waters were not God's plan.
The pictures are hilarious. The video leaves me laughing in tears every time. My mom even said "when you came out of the water you were glowing, I'm not sure if it was the baptism or because you were just glad to be alive"
It was a little a both.
All this to say, God loves us. He sees us. He knows our hearts. And if you can just give him that millimeter of water, he will bring in the all encompassing wave. Amen!
Enjoy a few snap shots of the ordeal, I'm going to try and upload the real pictures asap.
My entire life I've held off on being baptized. When I was 13 my two best friends were being baptized, and I was asked to join them. I turned down the opportunity with a gut-feeling that I still had some battles ahead in life, and that maybe I didn't fully understand what I was committing to at this young of an age.
Several more times during my teenage and young adult years I would turn down a chance to be baptized. A small, still, voice in my ear, telling me just to wait, that this wasn't the time, and that the time would come and it would be perfect.
Through my teenage and young adult years my life got ugly. I battled addition with prescription pills, lived with a boyfriend who had a dark spiritual life, got caught up in ugly and sometimes scary situations, but deep in my heart, I never doubted that God was there, through it all, just waiting for me to surface.
I got sober when I was 21. Shipped of to rehab in Gonzales, Texas. I met my husband, fell in love, got engaged, broke off the engagement, got reengaged, broke off that engagement, and finally, in 2014, we got married, moved to California, and had our daughter Charlotte, all in a whirlwind of about a years time.
During that time I had witnessed several baptisms. I found a deep joy and beauty in watching others publicly commit themselves to God. I would closely watch their faces as they were taken down into the waters, and try and pinpoint what exactly it was that changed when they were brought back up.
I knew it wasn't a change I could find physically, and yet there was always something different, a new hope that shined on their still drying faces.
The soaking wet embraces, tshirts dripping, soggy smiles. I knew I wanted that. But when the call came, if anyone else wanted to stand up and take on the waters, I always had that voice telling me, wait, this is not your time.
But my time came. And it wasn't during a peaceful time. I didn't feel clean, or strong. In fact, I felt weak. How could God use me in my current state? Why did God want me now? I've had stronger points in life, there have been times where I've "had it all together". THIS WAS NOT ONE OF THOSE TIMES!
The night before my baptism, I found myself crying on the back porch, cigarette in hand,
God. What do you want from me!? I'm slogging through life, covered in crap, falling apart at the seams. My life is in shambles, I'm struggling every day, I feel so far from you!
I didn't want to do it anymore. I texted my mom, I was probably going to reschedule. I had gotten in another ugly argument and I didn't want to take all this shit out into the water with me.
In my mind, there was a picture of what my baptism would be like. It seems silly now to have pictured somehow still waters, when I was asking to be baptized in the pacific ocean. My dad is ordained and I knew I wanted him to be the one to baptize me. My husband would be with me too, and I would come up out the of the water a beautiful, glowing, new creature of God, all smiles and hugs.
This wasn't God's plan for me. This wasn't God's plan for me because God knows my heart. He knows my insecurities. He knows my deepest fears and doubts. What if I came up out of the water feeling no different? What if the smile I wore was forced, and the embraces that were meant to be joy filled felt empty instead?
God knows my heart, and he loves me.
When we got to the beach, the first thing I noticed, with a pit in my stomach, was the shore break.
The waves, bigger and stronger then normal, were breaking right on the shoreline. There was no water FOR me to be dunked in! I'm a small person, my only hope was to be blessed and then maybe thrown into a wave? Immediately my doubts were growing.
My dad never wavered. He never showed a single doubt about the success of the mission ahead of us. My husband made jokes, he kept me laughing. With my earthly fathers confident grip on one hand, and my husbands comforting grip on my other, the three of us stood on the shore hand in hand. My family surrounded me, my dad shared a verse and blessed me, and off we went, into the mighty pacific.
As the first wave came crashing towards us, I knew, confidently, that my husband and my father would pull me through. And they did. Time and time again. It took us almost an entire set (7 waves) to make it out into water deep enough to baptize in.
Only the tide pulled out. Right as I went down.
All day things had been going wrong. Parking was NIGHTMARE, I had been in worse pain then usual, the waves were breaking on the shore, my heart was still in recovery from the argument had the night before, nothing felt right, right down to the moment I was going down into the water.
As my dad leaned my back, suddenly what water we had was being sucked back out into the tide. Further and further I leaned back, until I literally felt sand beneath me. With hardly a millimeter of water covering me, lying flat on the sand, I had been baptized.
But God wasn't done with me.
Laughing hysterically at the strange sight that my baptism had surly been, my dad and husband struggled against the sucking waters to pull me back to my feet. In my peripheral, not even a full second before resurfacing, I saw a great and mighty wave.
The enemy had tried to take everything from me that day. My peace, my health, my relationships, and now even the water! But our God is mighty. He has plans for my life, and in my moment of baptism, he saw me. He saw me making a declaration to him, trying with all I had, being baptized under half an inch of leaving water, GOD! TAKE ME! I AM YOURS!
God claimed me.
God claimed me with an 8 foot wave.
I gave him the millimeter I could muster, and he came in with a wave so big that it took not just me, but my father and husband, down and under!
Never have I been so happy to be completely pummeled by a wave. All my worries, cares, stresses, they were all taken from me in that moment. Being tossed around like a ragdoll in the strength of that wave, God literally washed my cares away. There was no peaceful dunk for me. Still waters were not God's plan.
The pictures are hilarious. The video leaves me laughing in tears every time. My mom even said "when you came out of the water you were glowing, I'm not sure if it was the baptism or because you were just glad to be alive"
It was a little a both.
All this to say, God loves us. He sees us. He knows our hearts. And if you can just give him that millimeter of water, he will bring in the all encompassing wave. Amen!
Enjoy a few snap shots of the ordeal, I'm going to try and upload the real pictures asap.
 |
| Here's the three of us trying to get out into the water.. |
 |
| Here we go! Getting baptized! |
 |
| wait! where is the water going!? |
 |
| Got that millimeter of water! AMEN! |
 |
| And then seconds later, God brought in the wave! |
 |
| And we ALL got washed clean! |
 |
| and kinda washed away... |
 |
| and in the end, my sweet husband trying to save me, and my poor dad being washed away. sometimes you just gotta laugh. |
