2014 - Year of Insanity

I'm eating a microwaved hot-pocket as I write this and if that isn't a sign of insanity, well, I don't know what is.
2014 has brought with it some crazy changes to my life.
I started off the year in Houston, Texas. I was pregnant and sick and pretty much existed in a pair of red velour sweat pants. I vowed to never own a pair, much less leave the house in them, but like I said - year of insanity.
In February I got married! I joke that we eloped %80. We decided about a week in advance and spent the next few days kinda-sorta planning a wedding. My parents flew in from Los Angeles, aunts and uncles, cousins, grandparents all gathered together with us in a little chapel in Gonzales, Tx. You don't know where Gonzales is, sometimes I don't even think Texas knows where Gonzales is.
Our ceremony was lovely. I rocked a $30 dress from the hallowed halls of Forever21, the bouquet was self assembled, and we even landed a last minute photographer free of charge.
A week later my groom and I hightailed it for the golden coast. I remember feeling Charlotte kick for the first time somewhere between New Mexico and Arizona.
Fast forward a few nauseous, bloated months and BAM! June is upon us and Charlotte arrives on the scene in all her adorable black curly hair glory. Being a newly wed wife is nuts, but adding 'new mother' to my title really managed to spice things up.
No sleep, some sleep, more sleep, less sleep, learning things about boobs and baby butts I never thought possible, and just as I feel I'm starting to get the swing of things another brick wall pops up at a thousand miles per hour.
Abnormal pap test? What?
SO.MANY.TESTS.
I spent about two weeks floundering. Andrew was awesome the whole time, the ever positive and encouraging hand for me to hold. In the end a biopsy lead us to some peace, but we're still keeping an eye on things for the time being.

In September we dedicated our sweet girl in front of our friends and family at The Garden church in down town Long Beach where we've found an amazing community and made our first handful of 'parent friends' among other awesome friends of the non-parent variety. We fell in love with our community group, even though Charlotte wears us out beyond attendance more often than not. And we began to find a rhythm in all this insanity that we will fondly remember as 2014.


Andrew just walked in to remind me of forgotten Christmas gifts, so I'm off to being a 2015 with my sweet husband and baby girl. Merry Christmas and a happy new year!

p.s. I have my yearly anti-resolution blog coming as well...

Sleep Training (pt. 1)

Oh my lord.

I learned things last night you guys, I learned things.

So, before we get started, I know not everyone agrees with the 'Cry It Out' method. We're just going to set that aside, okay? If you want to hear a comically spun tale of my first night of baby boot camp, read on, if you think I'm a horrible, selfish, psych ruining parent, then just, just don't, okay? I've suffered enough.

Everyone told me that it was going to be harder on me then on the baby. In the end, they were right. Charlotte ended her night happily cooing and playing with her feet before drifting to sleep (albeit, after about an hour of screaming) while I ended my night racked with guilt, yearning to cuddle my sweet girl to sleep, and feeling SO far away from her now that she's moved from her Rock'n'Play to the crib.

I first laid her down at 730, she played happily in her crib for about a half an hour as she usually does, but then, then hell broke lose.

Charlotte doesn't cry, she's a good baby and we have an understanding. Fuss when you need something, when that something is fixed, stop fussing. It's been an agreement between me and her for about 5 months now. Her low key fussing was replaced with PCP level screams, tears running down her cheeks, and a development of a entirely new facial expression that I don't really know how to handle.

I took to Twitter, live tweeting my living nightmare, #sleeptraining, searching for other mothers who could calm me, strengthen my resolve, etc., I frantically texted friends, checked in with aunts and grandmas on Facebook, and eventually sat with my husband googling sleep training blogs together (which ended in us YouTube searching 'cute baby' videos) and kept to my promise of 'ever 15 minutes'.

It took an entire hour. I kissed tears off her cheeks, patted her tummy, broke down ONCE and picked her up to sooth her, and finally, finally, it was quiet.

My husband and I finally snuck into bed (we share a room) about 2 hours after the start of the ordeal.

All said and done, the break down looks like this…

730-800 : Playing happily
800-900 : Fussing, crying, screaming, breaking mom and dads hearts
900-930 : Quiet, but awake, most likely plotting revenge
930: Asleep


I'll be live Tweeting (kisforkandyce) again tonight, as we venture into night two of sleep training, wish us luck!

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Charlotte is 5.5 months old, she may be teething, but I'm not positive. She rolled over from her stomach to back AND from her back to her stomach all in the same day. She likes to scream 'MAMA' even though I knowwww she's not actually saying mama, it's uncanny.

ugh motherhood.

I struggle with this new life, being a mom, it's like being handed a rubix cube in a dark room and being told to solve it. In this scenario you LOVE this rubix cube like nothing you've ever loved before but that doesn't - actually - help.

I feel like I have to excuse myself, like I have to cover every negative remark with a more vibrant praise of motherhood, but being a mom is gnarly you guys. It's gnarly.

Everyday I wake up to my daughter cooing, and I hide in bed till those coos turn to whines, then I roll over and reluctantly start my day.

I try to tell myself to perk up, mornings are the best time with Charlotte, it's the time she practices her new sounds (mostly shrieks right now), it's the time she plays with me, gives me silly faces and shows me all her new tricks.

seriously though, look at this precious baby.

Morning, however, is also about two hours after she last woke me up. And I'm tired. And not a morning person at all. I often feel alone in this, in these moments of 'I love my daughter, but maybe 1 more year of NOT being a mom would have been cool'

Yeahhhhh, I said it! Don't get me wrong, I love my sweet girl, and after about 2 hours of being away from her I start going through mommy withdrawals. But when the days are long, and the nights happen in 2 hour increments, things tend to get a little frazzled and the idea of sleeping like a normal person leads me to a sleep-lusting place (hahahahahaha, ohhh man, I'm tired)

We (or at least I) Instagram and Pintrest our way through life, showing the highlights and putting a ironic spin on the less glamorous moments, - I haven't brushed my hair in three days but I did put on a little lip gloss so you can see how I'm still candidly acceptable - we crop out the spit up stains and #blessed, and run through one or two editing apps for a quick touch up before posting...

What you don't see is my inability to sleep train my baby,

You don't see me running in the pouring rain from the furthest parking spot at walmart with my baby half tucked under my sweater because I forgot the stroller.

My Rubix. <3

You don't see me passing out 5 minutes after the baby does, totally neglecting my husband who could probably go for some tlc.

And you don't see me laying in bed, hiding from the waking baby next to me, fighting through those few moments of 'this is my life now' as it hits you at a 100 miles an hour.

Maybe it's just me, and maybe I'm just REALLY not a morning person, but most likely the case is,
becoming a mom is insane.

Becoming a mother is something you just can't prepare for.

It's a Rubix cube in the dark that you love more than life itself.

And on that note:

Charlotte is 5.5 months old, she likes to fake cough when she wants attention, she's learned how to shriek and loves making sounds at the top of her lungs. She spit up on me for the first time and either pooped or peed on almost every outfit we took on our 3 day trip to the mountains for thanksgiving... she also has some CRAZY knots in the back of her hair, I'm trying my best to get them out but a snip may be in order.
I often call her phunkadoriehouston or toblorone, those are just her nicknames, I don't know why.