Let's talk about "the boob" (probably TMI if you're not a mom)

Get read for TMI, especially those of you who have not yet gone through the joys of breastfeeding..

Nursing is HORRIFYING. No one fully prepared me for the trauma that is feeding your child.

See, 'Lo was not partially fond of the boob at first. She had minor jaundice but was SO uninterested in the sustenance from my bosom that it spiked from level 6 to 17 in two days! So, the doctor told me I needed to pump.

Awesome! I still get to give my baby girl the stuff she needs but now I can stick it in a bottle and let one of her million aunts, uncles, grandparents or sleepy daddy feed her (which they all LOVE to do)
Needless to say, this sounded like a great loophole.

A little bit of backstory, in order to breastfeed I had to go through the ardous effort of getting off all of my psych meds. This included a HIGH dosage of mood stabilizers and anxiety meds, and under the careful eye of my long time psychologist (need a psychologist? I have a great recommendation) I was able to taper of safely, still, this was not fun.

I was, however, determined, to provide my baby girl with the best I could, which meant mothers milk.

Plus, my delusional, uninformed mind longed for the tender moments between mother and babe, sweetly cuddled against me, bonding in a way that only mothers get the chance to experience.

BULLLLLLLSHIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!

I'm calling it ladies.

Breastfeeding is horrifying.

3am, fussy baby, won't 'latch' on but is perfectly content to gum my inflamed nipple to death. I cringe.

My mother explained it best, she recalled to me the times when she would bring her baby to her chest, and just as the baby (there are 7 of us 'babies' by the way) was about to latch on, she would pull back in terror of the oncoming pain.

Now we're going to talk about pumping...

I thought I was getting off easy, she LOVES her bottle, her appetite is increasing, she's in perfect health, daddy gets the chance to bond with her too, it's great!

ohhhh haaaaaaaaaaaa!

2 weeks into pumping and I literally look at those little suction cups of doom like they are EVIL baby
robots who I've been forced into feeding, they even make this cruel sucking sound that scares me..

Anyways, at this point, the first 2-3 mins of pumping is literally black out pain. Sometimes I SWEAR I taste blood in my mouth. Other times, I'm positive I'm about to need to lunge for the diaper filled trash can to puke. The pain is just unreal.

I'd really enjoy the post-pumping perky nipple thing is it didn't make me want to claw my skin off every time something brushes against my chest.

Oh, and let's not forget, all this pain can be the equivalent to 2 ounces of milk.

TWO OUNCES!!!!!

Kinda makes me want to kill myself.

Ladies, I leave you with this...

It is perfectly acceptable to cry over spilt milk.
I lost half an ounce this morning, and I cried, and that cry was well deserved.

third trimester restless legs

Let me say this first -

Pregnancy as a whole can go rot in hell.

I am beyond blessed to have such a healthy little baby girl kicking my ribs day and night, but this whole process really, really sucks.

First trimester was BAD. I lost a bunch of weight due to extreme morning sickness and my emotions were HAYWIRE. My sweet husband can attest to this.

Second trimester as a whole was a huge let down. Where was my glow? Where was my awesome boost of second trimester energy? Why was I still throwing up EVERYTHING!? Needless to say, I basically spent what should have been me small break from pregnant insanity purely recovering from the brutality of my first trimester.

Third trimester has been a complete joke.

I'm 33 weeks and some odd days pregnant now and as my sweet husband snoozes like a little pup in a glorious heap of blankets and pillows I'm sitting in the office at 3:31am writing a blog because my legs are two stems of burning, aching, fiery muscles that hate me.

Don't get me wrong. My husband spends all waking hours doting on me hand and foot. He NEEDS his cozy pup sleep and I'm glad he's getting it because I'm well aware of the amount of energy he puts into taking care of me on a regular basis. This doesn't change the fact that I would chop off my own toe for a good nights sleep, and it doesn't change the fact that my little green monster grows 10 sizes every time I try and fall asleep next to him, only to find myself flailing around, clenching and flexing my legs until I give up and leave the room again...

What's even more fun is that the list of "safe" over the counter sleep aids are almost ALL guaranteed to worsen the symptoms of restless legs, so there's no easy Benadryl knock out in my future.

I do LOVE blogging, I love getting to sit down and let out all my complaints in one fowl swoop. I have roughly 30 unpublished entires for this blog, mainly because I generally lose my steam around half way and with the best intentions of finishing later, log out and go about my life..

I've started making a daily gratitude list, so considering we are a few solid hours into the AM, I'll share todays list with you...

1. I'm grateful for my sweet baby girl, her health, and the time I got to spend today giving her little foot high fives as she attempted to kick my ribs in

2. My sweet husband, ever striving to serve me and love me. His patience and love constantly bless me, I could NEVER put up with myself with the kindness and servants heart that he constantly showers me with.

3. A roof over my head. It's not easy moving back in with your parents. At times it's painfully humbling but having this time to live worry free of things like rent and groceries is a HUGE blessing. Not to mention my parents and siblings are awesome and there's never a dull moment in this house.

4. Frozen gatorade. I literally have a stash of gatorades that I cycle through the freezer, I always have one frozen, one in the process of freezing, and one melting as I drink it. I'm not sure that this is a pregnancy craving, I think I'm just really enjoying the sugar binge.

5. My (very few) friends. I'm very antisocial, on par with most shut-ins, however I am blessed to have a few good friends who always, always bring me joy when I see them. Even if it's just an hour coffee date, the people in my life who sit with me and let me verbal vomit all my thoughts, and intern verbal vomit back at me - well, they save my butt on a regular basis.


It's 3:45am now, I'm hoping 4am is the magic hour for falling asleep so I'm gonna go give that a try...

I've been obsessively Tweeting lately, so follow me if you'd like.

Twitter : Kisforkandyce

ALSO

Any tips/tricks for dealing with your pregnancy restless legs? Comment section below!!!

pregnancy hunger games

I want a pickle so bad right now. I want a pickle so bad that I just google image searched "pickle".

Okay, let's blog!

The second a person can openly ask me how much weight I've gained in the last week, it's open season to throw out details about the rest of what happened this week.

I feel I'm really beginning to lose my filter on what is and isn't appropriate. In my mind, I am no longer responsible for my bodily functions - I'll freely voice my frustration with constantly peeing, vomiting and mental instability to poor innocent bystanders like DTB's bandmates, who politely laugh and slowly withdraw into shadowy corners of the house to hide. 

Since I've been pregnant it's been a CONSTANT BATTLE between hunger and vomit. I actually started choosing foods based on the reverse of "what goes up, must come down". What ever went down was sure as hell going to come back up.

That being said, my first trimester is on its way out and along with it, my morning sickness, YAY!

"What do you mean you just 'accidentally wrote a blog on pickles'"
- Dad To Be

I've put on my first 3 pounds in the past week, and all I can think about is food. The second I stop eating I start getting hungry again. My regular bird size portions are starting to resemble normal people portions, I'm making puppy eyes at DTB for things like juice or salad, and I'm getting really crazy about ANYTHING that comes between me and food. Really crazy. 

I almost killed DTB last night over forgotten mozzarella sticks at 4am and the last time I was that angry it had to do with Whattaburger and McDonalds. I don't even like fast food!

I'm trying to keep this blog real and honest and right now I want a pickle so bad, I can't even finish this entry because I can't remember where I was going with it...

Oh WOW!

When I took my first pregnancy test I was absorbed in one of the most inhuman months of my entire life. I had just relocated back to Houston from L.A. for the third time in a year. I was working 24/7 to the point of alarms set throughout the early A.M. so I could keep up on everything. I was SO stressed out that I attributed all the early signs of pregnancy to stress!

Me and Dad To Be on moving day!

Puking day and night? Check! Insane emotional outbursts? Check! I even attributed my sore and MASSIVE boobs to hormones because (get this!), I had missed my period due to stress, obviously!

So, on the cusp of starting my own small buisness, launching the biggest marketing campaign of my life, AND moving half way across the country, my magical uterus began creating a baby.

Here I am, 22 years old, hugely invested in my dream career, madly in love with DTB (Dad To Be), and growing the greatest human to ever live (this assumption is made based on preexisting genetic factors and motherly love, don't argue).

My reaction to all of this?

I've gone through the self-pity phase "I'm only 22! I'm not ready for this!" and I've gone through the insecure phase "I'm only 22! No one will think I'm ready for this!" and even a really awful bout of feeling hugely depressed and emotionaly numb to everything.

Then, at 8 weeks, me and DTB got to see and hear the heart beat. Oh WoW!!!! Ever since then I've been in a blissful state of happily embracing pregnancy.

I LOVE the daily stereotypical dramas that play out between me and DTB. The cravings, the mood swings, the constant exhaustion, the imaginary trophy I've earned for surviving 3 months of constant puking AND creating life - all of it - amazing...

I'm 12 weeks tomorrow and all I can say is, Oh WoW!


I want to hear your story, where were you in life when you found out you were going to be a mother, what was your reaction?