Let's talk about "the boob" (probably TMI if you're not a mom)

Get read for TMI, especially those of you who have not yet gone through the joys of breastfeeding..

Nursing is HORRIFYING. No one fully prepared me for the trauma that is feeding your child.

See, 'Lo was not partially fond of the boob at first. She had minor jaundice but was SO uninterested in the sustenance from my bosom that it spiked from level 6 to 17 in two days! So, the doctor told me I needed to pump.

Awesome! I still get to give my baby girl the stuff she needs but now I can stick it in a bottle and let one of her million aunts, uncles, grandparents or sleepy daddy feed her (which they all LOVE to do)
Needless to say, this sounded like a great loophole.

A little bit of backstory, in order to breastfeed I had to go through the ardous effort of getting off all of my psych meds. This included a HIGH dosage of mood stabilizers and anxiety meds, and under the careful eye of my long time psychologist (need a psychologist? I have a great recommendation) I was able to taper of safely, still, this was not fun.

I was, however, determined, to provide my baby girl with the best I could, which meant mothers milk.

Plus, my delusional, uninformed mind longed for the tender moments between mother and babe, sweetly cuddled against me, bonding in a way that only mothers get the chance to experience.

BULLLLLLLSHIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!

I'm calling it ladies.

Breastfeeding is horrifying.

3am, fussy baby, won't 'latch' on but is perfectly content to gum my inflamed nipple to death. I cringe.

My mother explained it best, she recalled to me the times when she would bring her baby to her chest, and just as the baby (there are 7 of us 'babies' by the way) was about to latch on, she would pull back in terror of the oncoming pain.

Now we're going to talk about pumping...

I thought I was getting off easy, she LOVES her bottle, her appetite is increasing, she's in perfect health, daddy gets the chance to bond with her too, it's great!

ohhhh haaaaaaaaaaaa!

2 weeks into pumping and I literally look at those little suction cups of doom like they are EVIL baby
robots who I've been forced into feeding, they even make this cruel sucking sound that scares me..

Anyways, at this point, the first 2-3 mins of pumping is literally black out pain. Sometimes I SWEAR I taste blood in my mouth. Other times, I'm positive I'm about to need to lunge for the diaper filled trash can to puke. The pain is just unreal.

I'd really enjoy the post-pumping perky nipple thing is it didn't make me want to claw my skin off every time something brushes against my chest.

Oh, and let's not forget, all this pain can be the equivalent to 2 ounces of milk.

TWO OUNCES!!!!!

Kinda makes me want to kill myself.

Ladies, I leave you with this...

It is perfectly acceptable to cry over spilt milk.
I lost half an ounce this morning, and I cried, and that cry was well deserved.

first trimester is awful

I keep seeing women online biting each others throats over pregnancy complaints. The trump card seems to be "at least you can have a pregnancy!"

Yes! Agreed! I never really realized how much couples go through to get pregnant. However, I actually went out of my way to avoid this, but if I had a nickel for every time my life plans didn't pan out...

Almost 14 weeks in and I've been able to clear my head, breathe, and get really excited and fall very in love with this little baby. I'm so grateful to be 14 weeks along and I'm a complete hypochondriac about what I can and can't safely do, but I do have a few complaints.

My first 3 months of pregnancy have been rough. There was a solid 6 week period where all I could keep down was (MAYBE) vegetable fried rice from a Chinese restaurant with a very mean lady running the take out counter. She judged me with her eyes every time I asked for a fork.

I spent weeks growing HUMAN LIFE running on fumes. I lost weight, bloated, fluctuated and eventually landed on a solid 108 pounds for the majority of the trimester.

Apart from the starvation I endured, there was this constant weight of exhaustion, confusion and raging hormonal woes. I have never been so angry in my entire life. I had a few moments of physically feeling anger pumping through my veins. I'm pretty sure my ears blew steam too.

I got in a fight with DTB (Dad To Be) because I wanted him to bring me McDonalds and he did.
That's right. I got in a fight with my wonderful, loving, pampering man because I asked him to bring me McDonalds and he did. The problem was, my stomach had started flipping and I knew I wouldn't keep it down, I called him to cancel my order but got the busy tone... When he got home with the food, I was so upset about being sick again that I bit his head off for getting the food that I had wanted.

Poor man.

My entire center of balance was thrown off by my new DDDDDD size boobs. My bras don't offer insane support considering I'm a small person and fairly proportionate, I quickly had to invest in a new support system. My neck and back were destroyed for quite some time but mainly I had this whole new body part that I had to protect with my life, a strong breeze and I was in tears.

Thank GOD for the end of this first trimester. Over the past week or so, I've noticed a huge difference. I'm starving and keeping down EVERYTHING I eat, I'm much happier and emotionally stable, Victoria Secret has saved my life and I've even put on a couple of pounds!

The first trimester has been brutal but it hasn't come with out its moments...

I google crazy things like "13 weeks, 3 days pregnant" just to see if anyone will give me a more accurate idea of the babies development. DTB lays his head on my stomach and talks to the baby so softly and lovingly it melts my heart. I read my copy of 'What to Expect When You're Expecting' with multiple color highlighters AND in 5 days we get to find out the gender!!!!

Oh WOW!

When I took my first pregnancy test I was absorbed in one of the most inhuman months of my entire life. I had just relocated back to Houston from L.A. for the third time in a year. I was working 24/7 to the point of alarms set throughout the early A.M. so I could keep up on everything. I was SO stressed out that I attributed all the early signs of pregnancy to stress!

Me and Dad To Be on moving day!

Puking day and night? Check! Insane emotional outbursts? Check! I even attributed my sore and MASSIVE boobs to hormones because (get this!), I had missed my period due to stress, obviously!

So, on the cusp of starting my own small buisness, launching the biggest marketing campaign of my life, AND moving half way across the country, my magical uterus began creating a baby.

Here I am, 22 years old, hugely invested in my dream career, madly in love with DTB (Dad To Be), and growing the greatest human to ever live (this assumption is made based on preexisting genetic factors and motherly love, don't argue).

My reaction to all of this?

I've gone through the self-pity phase "I'm only 22! I'm not ready for this!" and I've gone through the insecure phase "I'm only 22! No one will think I'm ready for this!" and even a really awful bout of feeling hugely depressed and emotionaly numb to everything.

Then, at 8 weeks, me and DTB got to see and hear the heart beat. Oh WoW!!!! Ever since then I've been in a blissful state of happily embracing pregnancy.

I LOVE the daily stereotypical dramas that play out between me and DTB. The cravings, the mood swings, the constant exhaustion, the imaginary trophy I've earned for surviving 3 months of constant puking AND creating life - all of it - amazing...

I'm 12 weeks tomorrow and all I can say is, Oh WoW!


I want to hear your story, where were you in life when you found out you were going to be a mother, what was your reaction?