Cool Mom Envy

They tell you that you can't mentally prepare yourself for motherhood. That no matter what, it's going to blow your mind. Sleep deprivation, delayed personal hygiene, postpartum, and a unbelievable  amount of diapers - these are the things you expect.

My totally beautiful, insanely cool friends.

I read the books, I had the talks with experienced moms, but what wasn't covered in 'What to Expect When You're Expecting' was probably one of hardest brick walls I've hit - Mommy Envy.

The amount of awesome, interesting, pulled together, cool moms I'm surrounded by is really,  really intimidating.

I'm going to pull the 'home schooled' card and say, I've never been so surrounded by so many peers in my life. It seems everywhere I look, some mom is pulling the 'Sofie' giraffe out and handing it to her adorable baby who's little leather moccasins cost more than my entire outfit.

Instagram has always been a great validation check point in my life. I hate saying that, but real talk, you know it's true. When the moms I have deemed as the 'cool moms' like a picture of my little girl I'm like...yeahhh...

Wooh, honesty is not pretty in blog format. Oh well.

As my baby naps, I sneak off to the office to write. I'm wearing an oversized grey sweater that belongs to my husband, my hair has been in this same bun for at least 2+ days, my mascara tube is running dry and I'm totally not wearing a bra.

I don't feel like a 'cool mom' at all. I feel like the world is a cafeteria and I don't know where to sit and I've been standing in the same spot for too long and it''s getting more awkward by the moment.

Maybe if I brushed my hair once in a while, or ran off to Buffalo Exchange and swapped some stuff around...Maybe if I wrote 'thee' blog, and went viral. Maybe if, maybe if...

I may not be a 'cool mom' but I'll tell you one thing,

My daughter thinks I'm the greatest thing ever and my husband thinks I'm super hot. I have some new projects in the works, I'm job hunting again, I feel God's hand in my life and I'm surrounded by loved ones. My friends are beautiful and 'cool mom-ing' it in the best way. My church feels like a home, and my home feels like crazy mess of joy.

So yeah, I may not be a 'cool mom' and that may be kind of intimidating sometimes, but at the end of the day, I don't need to be 'cool' because honestly - I'd rather by cuddly with my baby and my husband watching some crazy documentary of Netflix and passing out by 10pm.

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Charlotte is 6 months old, she's insanely adorable, she likes to growl and make chirping-happy-screaming sounds, especially first thing in the morning - usually before the sun rises.  She likes to roll over and sleep on her side but gets really upset when she ends up on her tummy. And she loves guitars.

Sleep Training (pt. 1)

Oh my lord.

I learned things last night you guys, I learned things.

So, before we get started, I know not everyone agrees with the 'Cry It Out' method. We're just going to set that aside, okay? If you want to hear a comically spun tale of my first night of baby boot camp, read on, if you think I'm a horrible, selfish, psych ruining parent, then just, just don't, okay? I've suffered enough.

Everyone told me that it was going to be harder on me then on the baby. In the end, they were right. Charlotte ended her night happily cooing and playing with her feet before drifting to sleep (albeit, after about an hour of screaming) while I ended my night racked with guilt, yearning to cuddle my sweet girl to sleep, and feeling SO far away from her now that she's moved from her Rock'n'Play to the crib.

I first laid her down at 730, she played happily in her crib for about a half an hour as she usually does, but then, then hell broke lose.

Charlotte doesn't cry, she's a good baby and we have an understanding. Fuss when you need something, when that something is fixed, stop fussing. It's been an agreement between me and her for about 5 months now. Her low key fussing was replaced with PCP level screams, tears running down her cheeks, and a development of a entirely new facial expression that I don't really know how to handle.

I took to Twitter, live tweeting my living nightmare, #sleeptraining, searching for other mothers who could calm me, strengthen my resolve, etc., I frantically texted friends, checked in with aunts and grandmas on Facebook, and eventually sat with my husband googling sleep training blogs together (which ended in us YouTube searching 'cute baby' videos) and kept to my promise of 'ever 15 minutes'.

It took an entire hour. I kissed tears off her cheeks, patted her tummy, broke down ONCE and picked her up to sooth her, and finally, finally, it was quiet.

My husband and I finally snuck into bed (we share a room) about 2 hours after the start of the ordeal.

All said and done, the break down looks like this…

730-800 : Playing happily
800-900 : Fussing, crying, screaming, breaking mom and dads hearts
900-930 : Quiet, but awake, most likely plotting revenge
930: Asleep


I'll be live Tweeting (kisforkandyce) again tonight, as we venture into night two of sleep training, wish us luck!

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Charlotte is 5.5 months old, she may be teething, but I'm not positive. She rolled over from her stomach to back AND from her back to her stomach all in the same day. She likes to scream 'MAMA' even though I knowwww she's not actually saying mama, it's uncanny.